I usually put myself in a state of mind- quiet, distracted, half asleep-and then I feel a kind of a lightening of the space behind my eyes, and I feel his presence.
Even a million miles away, there have been quite a few times that I could just feel his eyes on me, holding me with his quizzical gaze. I would then push off with one foot and try to coast for hours on that feeling.
Now in a trance that isn’t quite a dream, I can feel his presence again. I hear his voice in the middle of his usual rambling monologue, as if I have conjured him from thin air and pulled him out of a tall black hat by the ears. Then his presence silenced, the crackling anxiety makes me melt and soft for a little while.
And the alarm clock rings. It is time to face a new day, with him a million miles away.